Free of Words

Sometimes I feel as though I have no words to express what is happening to me: the freedom I feel from the old patterns and behaviors that used to make me "me." I used to think I'd arrived in myself, knew who I was, was dealing. Now I feel that there is so much more possibility for growth, change, healing and love than I had ever known. It seems that as soon as I learn one thing I trip over another and another, and my mind/world/self-concept are being blown. To pieces. And I'm so grateful for it.

But it's not something I can fully conceptualize yet. I don't know what that means. That I'm not processing it completely yet? That I don't want to jump out of the stream of experience to attempt recording / journalling, since in the past this modality, for me, was closely associated with control, with keeping hold of experiences that were by nature transitory and beautiful.

I'm going with that feeling, letting go of guilt for not writing, not journaling. I haven't been able to write since last February, even less since my trip to Thailand in September, and those times are the most vivid I can recall. More to the point, I can recall. It's not disappearing on me like events prior to that. I don't have the blow-by-blow that does, inevitably, crystallize experience - "so then I said...and she said..." but it is recollection of experience.

But I will record some momentous words as they occur in my life.

Here's one set: I knew from an early age that a ‘Barrett Home’ life would never suit me – I just didn’t realise this is where I would be lead.. - Suki Zoe at the fabulous Qito is really rocking my world lately